A few months ago I came across this article via Facebook. A lot of what it said I had hear before, but the one line of advice that really struck me was this:
“Go for ‘good enough’ instead of ‘best decision ever made on earth’”.
I think that most of us want the best—the best for ourselves, children, spouses, etc. However the reality is that “the best” isn’t always attainable. Sometimes no matter how hard we work, prep and execute we are not able to obtain the best. Even if the “best” is not obtainable should that keep us from seeking the next best thing—good enough.
Our dynamic at home has changed in the last few weeks, which is difficult for us type A, routine-is-our-best-friend kind of people. One of those dynamics has me picking up the kids and then getting home to immediately cook dinner for the family. Inevitably, cooking takes time, which then takes time away from hanging out with my kids. However I have found that we have this 30-minute window between cooking dinner and my wife getting home that I have been using to go outside and play fishes and minnows with my girls. We run around, chase each other and then go on our playground and pretend we are the characters from the Magic Tree House book series.
Is this the most epic hangout time with my daughters? Probably not.
We could be doing lots of other things that are more fun and more memorable, but we don’t have time for it during the week. However this 30-minute window is good enough to bond with my girls, run around a bit and spend quality time together. Sure, I would love hours on end with them, but it’s not going to happen on a weeknight after working all day and getting dinner ready. The realization that good enough is actually good enough has been a much welcome relief for this dad who wants the best all the time.
So for all those dads out there that feel like there’s never enough time, space, room, resources, fishing, hunting, etc. in your life; know that even a little bit of it makes a big difference.
We are 4 weeks into being parents for the second time around and it is great. My wife is doing well, minus the whole sleeping thing. Cecilia is healthy and very alert. We were told that, “its easier the second time around” and it definitely is. We knew what to expect which was great. Even though it was easier there still have been some challenges along the way that have made me incredibly grateful for our village.
My wife and I have some friends who have a good chunk of their immediate family living within walking distance. We tease them that it is a “compound” and that they are taking over that part of town. Kidding aside, there is something beautiful about that level of connectedness with family that these friends share. This little village of theirs gets them through the good, the bad and the ugly. Although my wife and I don’t have immediate family within walking distance we are blessed with a local community of friends, church family and amazing neighbors that have become our village.
The last few weeks have been a reminder of how necessary it is to have a village. Not just to provide meals because we had a baby, but for the overall goodness and formation of our family. Our village consists of men and women whose holiness and general awesomeness is being absorbed by our family and particularly our oldest daughter. Claire hears mom and dad say, “be good, be holy” but she also sees others living that way. Our village provides concrete examples of serving others and Claire sees that, absorb it and jumps right in. The village gathers for fun, for prayer, for joy and for grief. We love and serve one another. We laugh and cry together. We teach and learn from each other.
If you don’t have a village join one or gather people together to form one. No family can ever become what it is suppose to be in isolation. We need one another.
My wife and I got back from the hospital a few days ago after the birth of our second daughter Cecilia. Both mom and baby are doing really well and resting at home. I have been reflecting on our whole experience with Cecilia from conception to now, and man it has been different than with our first. The experience has been so different that at first I questioned whether baby number two was getting second best from us.
When Claire was born it was all new. We were prepping for Claire right away: buying a crib, sheets, curtains, etc. I had a baby gate up 6 months before Claire was born. It was all new and I guess thats the difference. Another significant difference was that we had no other kids to take care of and so we were able to really dive into preparing to become parents.
The last nine months have flashed by in the blink of an eye. We planed for Cecilia to be born in May and we were really excited for a second kid. Life had settled down with my wife’s studies so it was a perfect time for our little family to grow. That being said, we still found ourselves busy, running around constantly, and not with as much “free time” as we expected. Claire at four years old dominates most of our time and as the weeks turned into months suddenly I found myself in a hospital labor room telling my wife to “push”. I blinked again and Cecilia was in her mothers arms.
Here is what I am learning/experiencing so far with number two:
I am sure there is sooo much more to come with having two kids, and with that a whole new list of what I am learning/experiencing. Right now we are so grateful for our little family.
A couple of days ago I was outside doing chores. My daughter Claire was out back playing on her playground and running back and forth entertaining her self. At the end of the day before bedtime Claire asked, “I want someone to play with me.” Regardless of how long we play with her, Claire will always want more play time. After Claire went to bed my wife and I reflected on the day and I couldn’t help but hear Claire’s words: “I want someone to play with me.”
Claire turned four a few days ago and it has caused me to pause and reflect on these last four years. What does my daughter see within these four years? Does she see a dad whose engaged, present, kind, forgiving, gentle, calm? I’m not quite sure. I’m those things described above: hopefully most of the time. Still the words, “I want someone to play with me.” echo in my mind and heart. Do I play enough with my daughter? Have I spent the quality time that Claire needs? Am I busy doing things for our life while Claire entertains herself?
Lots of questions now that she is four.
Claire will have a little sister soon. Cecilia. Will Cecilia ask the same question? Will I look back when she is four and wonder; did I play enough with her?
Maybe it’s the realization that my baby isn’t a baby but a little girl. Maybe those thoughts, emotions, etc. are getting the best of me. Maybe I’m doing as best as most dads. Maybe the statement, “I want someone to play with me” is a challenge. Something God is letting rattle in my head. Maybe I need to be pushed to become more, to do less, and play.
Lots of questions now that she is four.
This is one of my favorite posts. Something about this week and my interaction with my daughter reminded me of it. Hope you enjoy it, again.
A few days ago I was cleaning the house. The floor needed cleaning so I grabbed the broom and began to sweep. Claire has a toy broom and dust pan that her grandma bought her that she keeps by her toy kitchen. As soon as Claire saw me sweeping in the hall she ran over to her kitchen and grabbed her own broom. I saw her do this and thought to myself, “if only I could train her to cut the grass.”
Claire came over to the hall where I was and she began to sweep with me. At first it was cute, but then Claire began to get in the way. The pile of dirt, dog/cat hair I had collected was being knocked around. I guided Claire so that she could use her broom and collect the dirt. For the most part she understood and moved the dirt towards…
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My sweet little Claire is wonderful. Claire is kind, loving, intelligent, and as stubborn as a mule. At three years old, Claire is showing that she is her own person and will do what she wants, when she wants. This would be fine if Claire was 25 years old and living in her own place. However, at 3 years old and in my house, this isn’t going to fly.
It is quite amazing to see how strong-willed this little girl is. No matter if it’s what clothes she wants to wear, when she wants to eat, or whether playtime is over, Claire lets you know her desires without any hesitation. I find myself, at moments, wondering where the line should be drawn between letting her be this strong-willed, little person and needing to “break her in”.
I’ve been reading about strong-willed kids and the positive side is that, while early on they can be tough, they will grow to become great teenagers, capable of holding on to their integrity and not easily peer-pressured. This comes as great news to this father.
Here are a few things I’ve discovered so far about parenting a strong-willed child:
So, there you go. This is just some of what I have observed/learned so far. Nothing terribly complicated, but it’s so much easier said than done. Maybe our next kid will be willing to accept a simple, “because I said so.”